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A Significant Life Challenge – what happens to our thinking …

February 18, 2015 Leave a comment

We go through life, one foot in front of the other, focusing on the next goal, the next thing, always the next thing …. then … life happens.

In my case a relationship, love – the use of silence and dogma as a weapon to whose only purpose was to hurt and exclude – this came from a group projection.

I had allowed myself to love the idea of someone and of a belief in the future to help others, the reality was something else indeed  … it was about all the most base of human fears, about control, about an ideology … for when the survival of a ideology becomes more important that the people within it, the ideology will always fail …. in this case my insight was that the ideology was false …. the most monumental challenge of my life was about to begin – I knew had to face it head on.

How we deal with life challenges such as grief or loss will also tend to follow a process – I know the more widely accepted model is the Kubler-Ross model, but I felt this was was more applicable to my own emotional or spiritual challenge

Stage One – SHOCK & DENIAL

We may react to learning of the Challenge with numbed, uncomprehending  disbelief. You may deny, frantically try to rationalize the reality of the loss in order to avoid the pain. The shock is normal, experience it, as it provides the emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks or longer,

Stage Two – PAIN & GUILT

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of profound pain –  this is normal, please try to experience the pain fully, and not hide from it, at this point is is incredibly important not to escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

Life feels chaotic, uncertain and scary at this point ..

Stage 3 – ANGER & BARGAINING

Frustration increases and may give way to anger, be aware that you may project this anger and anxiety onto family, friends or medical professionals –  be aware and try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time to look outwards and find ways to release the bottled up emotion.

You may shout at the rain, Why Me ? You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never …. If… )

Stage 4 – “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS

A relatively long period of reflection may overtake you. This is a normal stage – flow with this, do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning friends or family. Encouragement from others does not penetrate and serves no function but to increase the self doubt. For during this time, you finally comprehend the true magnitude of your loss, and it depression deepens, you may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories – this may be exacerbated by feelings of emptiness, despair and frustration and self doubt.

Stage 5 – THE UPWARD TURN-

As the reality of starting life without, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” the feeling that your head feels like a sponge with no ability to think begins to lift.

Stage 6 – RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself looking for realistic solutions to the life challenge posed by life without your loved one. You start to work on practical ways of reconstructing yourself and your life.

Stage 7 – ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, we learn to accept and deal with the reality of our situation. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily bring instant happiness.

Given the challenged face and the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is me.

I spend a considerable time in nature … with the nurturing energies that help change my life … over time it brought new levels of consciousness and with that a new perspective on the ordinary and the journey itself.

I have also  gone deeply into mindful meditation and movement therapy such as Thai Chi and Chi Gong (Qigong) … it was the initial reason why I give to others by teaching mindful meditation and movement therapies like Qigong and Tai Chi. online and in person http://mindfulunion.wordpress.com

During mindful meditation I arrived at the point where we exist day to day in a continuous meditative state – along with the controlling our thoughts … and being more in a feeling state than a thinking state .. life becomes creative and peaceful, love and understanding pervade your every waking moment.

Changing Priorities

September 2, 2013 Leave a comment

It is easy to look at what is wrong with the world, and only see the negatives of life … but recently I have chosen to change my focus away from the faults of humanity, with the realisation of a faint hope, as there are many people from all walks of life, just quietly going about making the world a little better through simple acts that work to create a positive future as well as many unheralded acts of kindness – they do this without press releases … they just do!

We are all on a journey, even those in the majority who currently appear to be spiritually unconscious … looking at life through their intellect, and their inward looking perspective, denying their feelings and spirit –  for it is my belief that it is a mistake to intellectualize our existence including our spiritual; side, for in doing so we are denying our humanity and a evolutionary imperative which is to achieve spiritual consciousness. Each of us as a member of humanity hopefully evolves from Childhood from our original enlightened states, to be educated normally into unconsciousness and through our life hopefully to an awakening of sorts and eventual consciousness – when we can look at the beauty that is in the world, all life and humanity … but most of all, with this real understanding comes love.

I look at the Universe, and think to myself, I have so much to learn, but I feel the first step is that I have so much to unlearn !

Whilst there are huge problems in the world, coming from those in power, who actions come from being spiritually unconscious, it is so clear that we are being continually manipulated by those in the ever more powerful Corporatocracy which seemingly runs the world … where Government and Bureaucracy seem to be their support, Entertainment and Public Relations Divisions … this is our status quo, and a huge influence on our cultural narrative … the way those in power and influence want to mold us and shape us to fit their view of the world and hence rubber stamp their flawed agenda which affects the future, concerns me .. it is evident in the way that we are presented with information, which we all must realise is never the whole story (or in some cases anything that resembles the true story) … we are manipulated knowingly to manufacture consent for their unconscious actions – currently it is Syria .. perhaps tomorrow Iran .. all for what reason .. one underlying motivation … money, oil and power … if anyone thinks that those in power care for the tens of thousands who are suffering …. please they do not.

There are other major concerns that continue including pollution, flawed water usage practices, including Hydraulic Fracturing (which is consuming and polluting our water reserves) and of course the current star in my opinion Genetically Modified foods (GMO), where companies including Monsanto are playing with humanities gene pool, trying to force us to eat seeds that are actually lower in yield than the wonder that nature has produced for us –  Nature however has a major advantage – her products have had extremely long term testing and are safe for us to consume … on the other hand all Genetically Modified Foods have had inadequate or no testing, certainly no long term generational tests – many times I have wondered if those at these GMO’s actually are true believers and eat these foods, or it really is just about the money, the power and the influence … and and so ladies and gentleman … welcome to the Monsanto and others world Laboratory .. where we are the test subjects, the Lab Rats.

After reading the above, I have a sadness … but this is what I mean … many things are wrong, but can I directly do anything substantive ? No –  I can only affect my environment in consultation with my loved one’s, who may of course have other points of view –  so a compromise may be reached  … but for me, I am finding again that focusing on the negative adds to my stress levels, takes me out of balance and away from the present into the realm of illusion. What I would prefer, is to be conscious … and hence creative, peaceful, giving and loving – so I have decided to try and detach myself from these concerns unless I can actually contribute … for many of these concerns are in areas where I cannot have any direct input – worry and angst serve no positive purpose.

Am I still concerned, about the things that are wrong ? Why Yes of course … and given the opportunity to actually help I probably would, but am I now preoccupied with what is wrong? No! –  I will quietly go about doing what I can to help us to prepare for the future by focusing on what I can create in the present … where everything in ones life has a potential for incredible depth and meaning.

Instead I am going to try and live by a simple prayer if you like … ”May my life be creative and be of benefit to love, life and the future” – if you think about the implications of such a statement, it alone, takes so much responsibility to guide our right thoughts and actions.

It may interest you, that once I made that decision, for the next few hours … a huge amount of stress bled from my body … strange and wonderful.

 

Moving Forward ..

August 27, 2012 Leave a comment

For some considerable time we have witnessed the destruction of our culture, to the point now that almost anything that does not involve consumption or the worship of money seems to be very much in second place … almost as a curiosity of “what is that” ?? … one only needs to look at the very young that know that milk comes from packets and are somewhat perplexed where meat comes from … the connection with where we came from in breaking .. breaking ….

Politicians talk, but do nothing … for their only priority is themselves, and being re-elected, after all we all know for most they can do little, after all they have one master already, so there is no place in their lives to represent the people they are supposed to work for.

How do we move forward as a culture … without involving the so called leadership … I saw a very good post today on a blog … here .. is the link …

I would suggest you go and read it … I put some comments there that some may find interesting … but basically if we want to change the future … we have to do it ourselves …. we have the power … we just start at home at the grass roots level, in the neighbourhoods, the local communities …

The Story of the two Wolves

July 26, 2012 Leave a comment

One day an old Native American grandfather was talking with his grandson.

He said, “There are two wolves fighting inside  all of us – the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace.”

The Grandson Listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked,

“Which one will win?”

The Grandfather replied,

“The one we feed.”

Peace is possible

December 28, 2011 Leave a comment

If this comment irritates some, spur them into action, perhaps even deep penetrating thought instead of some predictable knee jerk response, then I believe it will have done its job.

I think peace is possible, but first we must ask what sort of peace …. but for the right kind of peace, much within us has to change. But think of how better life would be worldwide if we created instead of taking the easy way to destroy.

I look at the mess we are in, and I wonder will there ever be change short of a peaceful revolution, but even that would be misdirected, because the real problem with our society is that we value the wrong things – for me the only way we can change the future is to change what we teach our children to value. I cannot see any long-term change until we start to do this … how about we start with the basic principle of Socrates http://bit.ly/qW3zgk , further let’s look at Gandhi 7 dangers to Human Virtue http://bit.ly/mOZAoS  we as a world, don’t comply with one item on either list .. Robert Louis Stevenson said “Everybody, sooner or later, sits down to a banquet of consequences” – I think we will choke when our time comes, as it inevitably will.

Countries make friends and reach understanding when they start to Trade, in other words when they form relationships, we need to seek to understand others.  A dream of mine is why not lets all of us, reach out to someone more often as not to make a new friend … pretty soon the whole world would be a friend or a friend of a friend, then we would have an understanding and perhaps the start on the road to peace. Once we can relate to another person, regardless of their race, creed, religion, place as a person. Then perhaps we will have some insight to see the world through their eyes, then and only then will the world begin to change.

By and large our leaders (poor choice of words I know) have no values or moral operating compass. Change will only come about by the will of the most, to force our servants (???), the politicians to listen. We do however have the “Leadership” we deserve, due to our apathy. The trouble with Politicians, they are expedient in their thinking, something that breeds, amoral thinking. I have never thought that Politicians were worth much, as real people, most aren’t, they are weak, morally bankrupt, corrupt, or just not to bright – but you shout to me “they are bright” well if that is true and this is the best they can do … goodness I can only lament for the future of the human race, as we really are participants in our own destruction.

Currently we have few options as the same current flawed thinking exists of both sides of the electoral ballot paper. So what is our response? Systemic change is needed, how do you think we should move forward?  There is nothing wrong with change as it has always has been the only constant, but change must be for the better, not just change for its own sake.

Sustainable systemic Change that improves the lives long-term for of all of humanity is good, change or revolution for its own sake will not work, as violence just breeds violence. Then we have anarchy, and dark times for all.

Mind you non-violence worked for Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr … perhaps it will work again for us, for humanity. The establishment will try desperately to maintain control until that fateful moment, when perhaps a Policeman or a credible person, says no, then change will happen and it will come in a heartbeat.

Whilst the Euro zone is heading for the biggest financial correction in history, some of the ideology behind it is admirable, perhaps we should apply it to the whole of humanity, where everyone has an equal voice, and no one has a veto. This is why the UN doesn’t work.

Perhaps we should follow those profound words in the US Constitution … “All men (and women of course) are created equal …” these are admirable thoughts which I thoroughly agree with,  but to me some men seem more equal than others … what’s with that by the way ?

The only time we seem to pull together as a species when it is a global threat, then when we all have our backs to the wall, side by side, when we are there very soon, look around and you will see that the enemy, as we are the enemy.

Everyone knows, or should know that Politicians and vested interests are there to stay in power to perpetuate the now or as President Ronald Reagan said “Status quo, you know, is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in”

Further, we don’t learn from history, everything we are doing now, has been done before, recently, the Nazi’s, Pol Pot and the killing fields of Cambodia,  the British Empire, Serbia, Israel, Palestine, NATO, the Friends alliance in Afghanistan no doubt more to come plus innumerable others I have not mentioned, took the decision to kills millions of people for only one reason (labels), because they were different, they thought differently, they believed in something different, it happened yesterday in Nigeria because of flawed fundamentalism – no loving God believes in killing. By and large these forces of death should no longer exist, but we now have new evils, Washington / NATO, and the military industrial machine, that need wars and death so they can survive and pay dividends in more death, so they are really no different from what has come before … they kill innocents and spin it as acceptable collateral damage … they kill, using drones, piloted by some x-box toting functionary 1000 of miles away. Really does Washington, London and Brussels think that they are immune from the consequences of their actions, because if they do, get real, look outside at the world you are creating as a result of your beliefs and you attitudes. I really believe that these evil doers believe it doesn’t apply to them. We have to stop thinking that the end-game for any negotiation where we don’t get our way is to pick up a gun.

As Noam Chomsky said  “Everyone’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s really an easy way: Stop participating in it”

Truly, I think that the leadership of the world needs a true shakeup, as we transition from the decaying structures and failing systems – We will have to do more with less, and in my view I believe the world would be in far safer hands if we were led  by the feminine of the species, women, but by women I don’t mean testosterone in a skirt …

I truly wonder if the human race will ever grow up, to me we still act as young children at playtime recess.  One day Gaea may  decide enough is enough, let’s be done with this flawed experiment that is the human race and try again … but then she has all the time in the world, whilst we do not.

Life is like a Cup of Coffee

September 20, 2011 Leave a comment

CoffeeWorld

“Live simply, Speak kindly, Care deeply and Love generously.'” – A worthy mission for our lives

“A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite.

He told his guests to help themselves to the coffee.

After everyone had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, ‘If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

    Be assured that the cup adds no quality to the coffee.

In most cases, it is just more expensive, and in some cases, even hides what we drink. What all of you       really wanted was coffee, not the cup. But you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups to see who had the best one.

Now consider this…

Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

Savor the coffee, not the cups!

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything.

They just make the best of everything.

“Live simply, Speak kindly, Care deeply and Love generously.'” – A worthy mission for our lives

UK Elections

May 7, 2010 Leave a comment

It is Friday morning early as I write this…. as I check the BBC website, its tells me one seat has been decided… my view is that although I had high hopes that the Liberal Democrats will have a great election.. but I don’t think so; the current worldwide financial crisis, as well as the European Unions own home grown crisis will I think polarize the electorate; to a clear choice of the two main parties… there will not be any dramatic gains for The Liberal Democrats as well I do not think any one of the major parties will be able to form a government in their own right; personally I think it will be a hung parliament, with the Liberal Democrats holding the balance of power.

Just think what would have happened if there had not been a Greek initiated financial crisis in Europe …? However I think it would have happened, if not Greece, then Portugal, Spain and Italy are all contenders as well.

Who will win the rush to the largest single party, methinks the Conservatives will be. We shall soon see if I am right or … two main parties..

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