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Guidance for Transitions

October 29, 2015 Leave a comment

This is a message to those I love ….

Morality is how we relate to the people we know, our family, our friends, our neighbours … in a wider sense ethics on the other hand is the true foundation of how we create a society … when someone projects their subjective personal beliefs on to a society, especially about something they know little or nothing about, it is about their ego, to make them selves feel superior, essentially it is self-aggrandisement … in doing so little by little we destroy society itself .. for the whole act of blame is about separation … about separating one person from another – for we must remember that condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.

True love does not judge, nor does it have any expectations, it does not to say to someone, become this person and I will love you … or the corollary, if you change from this person; I won’t love you – that is more of a Cathexis, an expression of surface or perhaps simply conditional love.

How do we find a conscious love without distortions in it? Through self knowledge and acceptance of self, and solitude … meditation. Without these, love gets mutated and distorted by the surface of life. With self knowledge, acceptance and meditation, love evolves into devotion; it remains pure and then evolves into bliss, joy.

Disrespecting someone, judgement and ascribing fault, is used by the ego to separate us, like control, judgement, anger, competing, worry, guilt, conformity are all other non-present emotional ‘ego’ driven thoughts – like all fears when faced show their illusion and in doing so we find ourselves and our strengths. Most of us don’t truly know & understand ourselves let alone another, so when we judge another, we can only project what we know of ourselves onto others!

Everyone has their gifts, everyone, and each one is an equally valid gift from the Universe.

Everything that happens is essentially without expression, it is only in our beliefs where we ascribe a meaning, a duality to it, a right or wrong, good or bad etc., when beliefs become primary, it manifests through its own brand of particularism into a cult, there are cults everywhere from the private to even Public companies say Apple Inc and Tesla … all within are true believers, their lives are defined through the duality of their ideology, for instance Capitalism is the quintessential expression of duality (I.e profit / loss is good / bad) – within families, all experiences are seen as either good or bad, right or wrong, family or not – under pressure, this evolves into a fear based “them and us mentality” a dismissal and disrespect for all that appears on the surface to be different.

There are really good and wonderful people in the world, the thing that separates us is awareness that they exist and our beliefs – but no one has the right to define themselves as right and others wrong … for the majority of humanity, it is easier to judge than to think – to judge is to label and negate others and so dismiss (often without revisiting that first judgement) – true humanity and strengths is to feel with empathy, compassion and equanimity.

We rarely re-visit judgements of people (or ideas) that we made in the past, for people we must give each other a break by remembering that people are constantly changing and growing. I would suggest that we not cling to any limited, disconnected, possibly negative images of a person that we formed in the past, I would instead suggest that we just let go and move on, letting us all just get on with our lives. Also forgiveness (including yourself) really is liberating, because it means that an event in your past no longer controls you in the present.

I cannot ascribe fault anymore for it leads to separation, in the higher self there are no certainties, things can only be viewed through probabilities … for instance it is highly probable that the sun will rise tomorrow – the reality is that nothing is certain, change is continuous and everything ends, well not so much ends, for we are always in transition to ?

Happiness comes only in true Freedom, it comes from within, not from people things or circumstances – follow your personal bliss, challenges that will come are how we grow and we use them to break through the shells that encompass our understanding.

We see everything through the present moment, the past, is our personal perspective of our experiences (filtered through our beliefs, emotions and values) … The future is our expectations, our wishes … but this present moment is our only personal reality … these are the Buddha’s words, along with many spiritual leaders (including Dalai Lama, Lao Tzu, Bodhidharma, Eckhart Tolle, Marcus Aurelius and others)

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help” – Thích Nhất Hanh

With union with the light, a spiritual realisation occurs – then it is the individual’s choice to integrate with the Higher self or not – for me it was easy … once you decide to integrate, The Grace of “God, the Universe, Brahmin, the Source – the higher self (call her what you will) starts to descend to us (over time) you gradually detach from the physical world, much of what you once valued in duality seems empty and an illusion because it is, your love becomes abundant, unconditional and conscious, you can feel life, every form of life within you from the greatest to the least – there is now only one choice, which is to love, to understand, to have compassion for all life, whatever its form.

There is a book, the Zen Teachings of Bodhidharma that helped me understand my personal journey to the light – perhaps it might help others on their journey!

A difficult revelation of conditional “love” is the judgement, perhaps dis-respect , contempt or worse. Perhaps no one at home wrote in a simple act of compassion or empathy to think beyond themselves and their attachments and ask how you were … for me, I guess that is the true expression of the experience – their own brand of particularism.

It’s a given, that no one has the right in being purposefully cruel for any reason.

If you have many obstacles in your path … consider, perhaps the Universe is trying to tell you something –

“As a man himself sows, so he himself reaps; no man inherits the good or evil act of another man. The fruit is of the same quality as the action” – Mahabharata, xii.291.22

We are all accountable for our choices, as I have learnt personally – do not blame those you who hurt you, for they are only instruments of Karma – Karma holds us all accountable for our behaviour in particular our actions towards others – how she will choose to balance the scales for their actions towards you and other life forms, is not for others to speculate how.

I can feel only love and compassion for you all, if any truly wish non-judgmental spiritual help, then come find me … and we will work towards the light together, if you’re not up for that, no problem, find another, for when it is your turn you will journey to the light in this life or another, it is a journey we will all make. By staying attached to the illusions of this world, once can never be truly happy, or free, because in being attached we are never truly free – and true happiness comes in freedom.

After a four-year journey I am done – I am on to other things enriched, you are each on your own, except of course for the infinite love and power of the Universe that is within each of you, but I am going to project my beliefs and say – your perception was that I was the problem however I believe I was a solution – fear itself is the problem.

I am thinking of you all as I write these words … face your fears … they are paper tigers … empty illusions. Judgment and blame separates us … the desire to control others comes from ego and fear – controlling others controls you – instead stay present, be mindful and accept and flow … there is no way around pain or fear, the only way out is through.

Open your heart to those in need, do not make assumptions. You are not a judge, you are a coach, and in the future you may just be the guide that makes all the difference to someone else’s life.

There are only two main motivators in life, love and fear. Choose wisely!

October, 2015

Meditation – a beginning

February 22, 2015 Leave a comment

From my new blog A Mindful Union –
http://mindfulunion.wordpress.com

Let’s look at an overview of meditation itself

For me, I believe we don’t meditate to find peace. We meditate to be at peace with what we find – in Mindfulness meditation we develop the ability to accept the emotions and feelings that occur during the meditation.

For meditation, we need to develop the ability to stay present. What I mean by that is to stay in the moment, without reliving the past or having expectations about the future.

Imagine yourself meditating half way down a long hallway in a house, from the front door to the back door. The thoughts come in the front door, you note them and accept them (for they are you) … then you lightly move on, without engaging in the thought itself, (it will go, once you don’t validate it) the thought then moves on down the hallway and out the back door, it may come back, each time it does follow the same process, it will lose its urgency its .. you need to engage with me.

The thought may be about the past (depression, regret or shame perhaps) or about the future, such as anxiety or fear about a forthcoming event, or perhaps the fear of loss. We cannot  invest or follow the thought (no matter how important or urgent it seems), for the moment we do, we drop out of meditation, because we are no longer present, so we can no longer be mindful. 

Once we regularly meditate, we develop mindfulness, in part it allows us to understand what we can change, and what we can’t – to detach from things we cannot control, for instance, other people’s action (or any influence outside of us) that effects us.  I find now, that mindfulness itself is not difficult, but what is difficult is to remember to be mindful in our day to day lives.

Note; Mediation is not something to be achieved, it is something we have to be the person to properly meditate – it can be a slow process of becoming, but take heart, even sitting on a mat for 30 seconds with a clear mind, is worth celebrating, remember little steps forward – often. Each day if you truly wish it, it will get better it – but it does takes time – remember nothing worth having is a easy fix.

Sleep – the great restorer

Once I regularly meditated, it affected my whole life. Sleep, became deep and restorative. Sleep, especially uninterrupted sleep can be elusive, yet mindfulness meditation assisted me in getting more restorative regular sleep, without medication.

Mindfulness meditation can allow us to gradually develop greater control over our emotions, which leads to clarity of thought in difficult situations. For me the revelation was that once I realised that everything changes, nothing seems to be that imperative in the moment, remember it’s not the situation that is causing you pain, it is your thoughts about the situation.

Categories: Change, Life, Personal

Connecting the Dots

April 26, 2014 Leave a comment

I was thinking about Steve Jobs the other day and a quote of his came to my mind … it went like this

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward”

He is so right, many months ago, it was as if I was in a dark room, feeling my way forward, but I kept falling over stuff, the future that I had invested in was always out of reach … my brother did what only brothers can, and asked me to look at the dark room again, but differently this time.

I went into a familiar process that I had first completed some 20 years ago, it requires only commitment and absolute honestly – it is essential that we face our demons, for until we do, we project them onto the world, through our reactive unconscious acts, hurting those we love, and who love us … since this time, the second process has been completed (such that it can be or ever is), the fiction that fears are real was revealed and you move past them ..  you are at a new plateau, just, so long as we stay aware and keep owning your weaknesses.

When one is within the darkness, we can only feel the pain, for that part of us has no way of communication through language … it takes time, it take commitment, courage and time  .. I honour all those who go through any recovery process.

It is wonderful to feel your family’s love, but what they cannot do is facilitate or enable you – they will withdraw from you –  to support you how they feel they can … it is as if they take you down to the dock for a long sea voyage … you can still feel their love .. but this is a journey we must take alone.

In hindsight, part of connecting the dots, you learn lots of things about yourself – you understand, accept and value yourself,  you make friends with who you really are, and also with your ego, to understand it better .. you learn that there is almost no pain when we are present, for then the ego has no place to hide – you take what you have learnt and over a period of months you let go of the past and bring only the learning into your life – Staying present develops further into acceptance of what is and the letting go of expectations and any sense of a need for control, then one day and every day after, you are just grateful – you feel balanced and stronger, but most of all you are free. Frankly being truly free is a bit scary, but you try new things, people engage and you are on your way.

If one must label things, most of the time you are mindful – you bring a huge focus to anything that is in your present, because you are present … you are careful of where you walk so you don’t tread on insects, you spend hours down by the beach, or in the woods, noticing every aspect of the web of life, the trees, the grass, the birds, of life abundance – new insights come, you experience your consciousness expanding like a wave, flowing outwards into the world … it is intoxicating and yet so much more .. but it is I feel only a beginning.

In this moment, I find life is a wonder – you don’t judge, you love and understand the behaviour of others, and even if you don’t understand, you feel real compassion for what they are going through (for I feel everyone is doing the best they know how to), insights come, and it feels good to engage and help others .. but the real outcome is that you know who you are, you need no one’s approval for you have your own, you engage more with the community and surprisingly you are detached even from your own future …. you flow with what life brings as it comes into your present and you look to the future – you can still feel those you love, but it is as if you are traveling parallel paths, you wonder !…. but you know whatever happens, what a journey there must be yet to come, for all of us, together or apart  ….. whatever comes, you are up for it

Where I am right now, I doubt I will be directly addressing this introspective aspect of me again, well anytime soon that is … for I guess the time for a definitive on any subject is well and truly gone.

I have a new list of subjects for blog posts coming up including an update on the State of our Paradigm I did last year .. interesting times … thanks for reading and if any are within such an experience as this, know it will be different for you, but flow with it, honestly and with courage, you too will come through.  If you need a sounding board, contact me, I will help if I can.

A process of Personal Transformation

December 29, 2013 Leave a comment

I had been aware for some time of my limiting thoughts, emotional blocks and strange behaviours –  these are basically hangovers from our past, our previous learned responses which had outlived their usefulness to the person we might wish to be …. for me they were stopping me taking a leap … however the strange part is that I had the answer within me .. what I needed to do was repeat a process which I had carried out once before –  for when you think about it,  everything in life is a process, in this case to confront these behaviours which were now irrelevant to my life and renew myself … in a way to renounce who and what I was, and allow myself the freedom to introduce myself to what next evolution of me … the same process is available for everyone, from that awareness, we eventually come to the Acceptance that action is needed … then when we are ready we do take action.

Twenty years ago, I went through a period of intense personal change – looking back now, the program was based on the original  12 step program .. this is a proven program, which has been going since 1935 … in my case I am not driven by the need to stop drinking, but by the need to use the Transformational 12 steps program to bring around personal change … to change the way I react – so that basically I don’t .. in fact to change my default response to pause and reflection before I respond – giving me that time to consider the impact of my words and deeds on others, but also our own evolution … in other words to respond from strength, instead of reacting from weakness –   for me the outcome made me whole –  after the completion of the program, I am content, with me … however the work doesn’t stop there, for now on it is also a continual process of self assessment –  in this occasion , I knew it was time, I was committed to change, in fact, I had been looking for a way to make it happen since April … and just before this time, I felt in darkness, always feeling my way forward, metaphorically falling over stuff .. this stuff was my past, my beliefs, my history, my limitations.

Note before starting … you need to be committed to this course of action without any reservation … if you are not committed, it won’t work .. you can’t fake it … you need to follow the steps, some are not easy because they can be a very confronting process –   have the courage and belief in the process to follow where they lead, for if you want your future to be different from your today … it is journey you must take ..  you might use the analogy that the process, is almost a low level reformat of the way we look at life … it is equivalent to a process of clean up and clean out — its worth it,  let me assure you.

I went to a local AA meeting, just to feel the atmosphere .. to meet and talk to the people who had successfully come through the program .. a strength, a compassion, but an overall humbleness from everyone who had completed the program was all I felt … I went ahead with the steps in order, going through each until I was absolutely happy that I was totally committed to it –  for me, as I was so committed to change and my previous experience with the program, it was not as difficult as I imagined, for I had been ready for such a process since the beginning of 2013 … note: –  you have to want to do it .. I might add doesn’t magically rid your personality of these reactions to stimulus, what it does is that it makes you very aware of your personal triggers to make reactions and behaviours and allows you to confront them and once you have there is no fear,  there is just contentment, happiness, love an a strength – a wish to help others –  remember we all have these demons at sometime during our path, our journey.

I believed I needed to become less reactive to stimulus .. to be mindful, present in the moment, to forgive and forget the past hurts and failures .. to bring into the present only the learning, my goal was to live life mindfully, part of which means we need to stay present .. for that is the only place where anything is created … this also means letting go of expectations (investing in them anyway), whatever they are, to be open to real abundance through love –  to be open to the infinity of the Universe through love and abundance.  I came to the realisation that when we invest in expectations we are by the very nature, creating illusions as these events are in the future, they haven’t happened yet, so we are in fact setting ourselves up for disappointment.

It took me a while to write about this, as I completed these steps back in October 2013 … to have the support of your family is a big plus, but one thing is so true, this process is something we have to do for ourselves and by ourselves  … for that is where change must come from … the commitment to the self, and to the future self …. Good Luck!

If you feel the need, from the awareness of self, look at the process, if you need any help … please write … I will help how I can.

Since this, I have had some realizations that came from unblocking my limitations, incredible clarity has come …all this was like breaking through the shell if you like that enclosed my understanding … now I guess I am within a bigger shell … one day I will push through those limitations … Quite soon I will do another post of the process of learning to live mindfully.

Changing Priorities

September 2, 2013 Leave a comment

It is easy to look at what is wrong with the world, and only see the negatives of life … but recently I have chosen to change my focus away from the faults of humanity, with the realisation of a faint hope, as there are many people from all walks of life, just quietly going about making the world a little better through simple acts that work to create a positive future as well as many unheralded acts of kindness – they do this without press releases … they just do!

We are all on a journey, even those in the majority who currently appear to be spiritually unconscious … looking at life through their intellect, and their inward looking perspective, denying their feelings and spirit –  for it is my belief that it is a mistake to intellectualize our existence including our spiritual; side, for in doing so we are denying our humanity and a evolutionary imperative which is to achieve spiritual consciousness. Each of us as a member of humanity hopefully evolves from Childhood from our original enlightened states, to be educated normally into unconsciousness and through our life hopefully to an awakening of sorts and eventual consciousness – when we can look at the beauty that is in the world, all life and humanity … but most of all, with this real understanding comes love.

I look at the Universe, and think to myself, I have so much to learn, but I feel the first step is that I have so much to unlearn !

Whilst there are huge problems in the world, coming from those in power, who actions come from being spiritually unconscious, it is so clear that we are being continually manipulated by those in the ever more powerful Corporatocracy which seemingly runs the world … where Government and Bureaucracy seem to be their support, Entertainment and Public Relations Divisions … this is our status quo, and a huge influence on our cultural narrative … the way those in power and influence want to mold us and shape us to fit their view of the world and hence rubber stamp their flawed agenda which affects the future, concerns me .. it is evident in the way that we are presented with information, which we all must realise is never the whole story (or in some cases anything that resembles the true story) … we are manipulated knowingly to manufacture consent for their unconscious actions – currently it is Syria .. perhaps tomorrow Iran .. all for what reason .. one underlying motivation … money, oil and power … if anyone thinks that those in power care for the tens of thousands who are suffering …. please they do not.

There are other major concerns that continue including pollution, flawed water usage practices, including Hydraulic Fracturing (which is consuming and polluting our water reserves) and of course the current star in my opinion Genetically Modified foods (GMO), where companies including Monsanto are playing with humanities gene pool, trying to force us to eat seeds that are actually lower in yield than the wonder that nature has produced for us –  Nature however has a major advantage – her products have had extremely long term testing and are safe for us to consume … on the other hand all Genetically Modified Foods have had inadequate or no testing, certainly no long term generational tests – many times I have wondered if those at these GMO’s actually are true believers and eat these foods, or it really is just about the money, the power and the influence … and and so ladies and gentleman … welcome to the Monsanto and others world Laboratory .. where we are the test subjects, the Lab Rats.

After reading the above, I have a sadness … but this is what I mean … many things are wrong, but can I directly do anything substantive ? No –  I can only affect my environment in consultation with my loved one’s, who may of course have other points of view –  so a compromise may be reached  … but for me, I am finding again that focusing on the negative adds to my stress levels, takes me out of balance and away from the present into the realm of illusion. What I would prefer, is to be conscious … and hence creative, peaceful, giving and loving – so I have decided to try and detach myself from these concerns unless I can actually contribute … for many of these concerns are in areas where I cannot have any direct input – worry and angst serve no positive purpose.

Am I still concerned, about the things that are wrong ? Why Yes of course … and given the opportunity to actually help I probably would, but am I now preoccupied with what is wrong? No! –  I will quietly go about doing what I can to help us to prepare for the future by focusing on what I can create in the present … where everything in ones life has a potential for incredible depth and meaning.

Instead I am going to try and live by a simple prayer if you like … ”May my life be creative and be of benefit to love, life and the future” – if you think about the implications of such a statement, it alone, takes so much responsibility to guide our right thoughts and actions.

It may interest you, that once I made that decision, for the next few hours … a huge amount of stress bled from my body … strange and wonderful.

 

Reflecting on the Choices we make

April 25, 2013 Leave a comment

I have just come to the insight that when I am old and perhaps sitting in my rocking chair on my verandah … reflecting on my my life to that point … I will look at the life that my choices have created and I will be content that I have given everything I had … I will understand that I did the best I could have done given the beliefs and expectations I had at the time.

We need to learn from life .. as Einstein said … most of us keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results, surely this is the true definition of insanity .. we all do it … we try and engage with people with our flawed behaviour patterns and wonder at some point why more is demanded  … I have these failings … what worked in a business environment, has no chance of working in a personal relationship … we need to hit a moment in our lives, a surrender point  … and in that moment the imperative comes … as it does for the whole of humanity … change is the only course there is … its only about the stakes. The only thing that can be changed is the present … that is where we create the future – however when we have nothing left by choice or by circumstance that is when we are the most open to change … to find a way to achieve that, to rebuild who we are and to control our flawed behaviour patters would be something wonderful .. there must be a way … indeed something to think about, any thoughts would be welcome!

For the past, there is nothing creative that can come from regrets … they are only good for wallowing in … take the learning of those experiences, integrate them with your life, and move forward, allow those lessons to change the future.

Don’t get me wrong … I have screwed up sometimes publicly, many times personally with my loved ones and family … but at the time I led with my feelings, sometimes they were fraught and scattered .. too often they were about me and my needs  … and not what they should have been … but like all of us … life is an inside job … we create the life we believe in … the one we should have, at any moment in our lives – this changes in every moment as we evolve.

That is why our past does not determine who we are now, or in anyway it has a relation to who we will become … give yourself a break … the future is yours to create in this moment … for me I don’t have goals as such (other than to help  who I can) … I believe in a living my life, based on a few basic truths and with my values … they will get me where I need to be.

What each of is focus on may be different for each of us .. that is your personal preference, each one is valid for you

For me these are my focus:

(1) each morning I get out of bed, looking forward to the day ahead and what it will bring to me .. what I will learn.

(2) I know there is much I cannot do, but I can live my life in the best way for me … as well what I can do within my sphere of influence is to help who I can … who hopefully will pass that feeling onwards to others … I also know that looking at the enormity of what does need doing to make this a more loving world .. I can only help who I can … even if that is just one person, who hopefully will help others.

(3) Now, I think before I speak … knowing that what I say affects others .. trying to make everything I say improve on the silence .. because silence itself can be incredibly powerful – hence if you can’t say nothing that is positive and creative .. don’t say anything at all 🙂

(4) Be curious all the time at everything and anything – in relationships (all) seek to understand before you seek to be understood.

(5) I like to walk, to exercise, I suppose it is part of my meditation .. the pure zen of it, the one step in front of the other …

(6) I like to nurture … to create .. to me that manifests in my life in the building and investing in relationships … most times these are not deep .. but some can be … whether they end up being sustainable … is not really what is important … what is, is that every experience and every person that comes into your life, teaches you something about you … and what you need to understand and let your self push beyond your own boundaries .. to grow and evolve.

Love everyone … for they are part of us … all life is … my parting gift would be forgive yourself and look to, and trust your feelings for you know how you want to live your life … trust absolutely few people in your life … for trust is the ultimate gift one gives to another … it is the foundation of all real, long term “life” relationships. For me in that regard … I have been very fortunate.

Comments would be welcome … what aspects of life are important to you ?

xxxx

Categories: Change, Future, Opinion, Personal

The Story of the two Wolves

July 26, 2012 Leave a comment

One day an old Native American grandfather was talking with his grandson.

He said, “There are two wolves fighting inside  all of us – the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace.”

The Grandson Listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked,

“Which one will win?”

The Grandfather replied,

“The one we feed.”

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