Connecting the Dots

I was thinking about Steve Jobs the other day and a quote of his came to my mind … it went like this

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward”

He is so right, many months ago, it was as if I was in a dark room, feeling my way forward, but I kept falling over stuff, the future that I had invested in was always out of reach … my brother did what only brothers can, and asked me to look at the dark room again, but differently this time.

I went into a familiar process that I had first completed some 20 years ago, it requires only commitment and absolute honestly – it is essential that we face our demons, for until we do, we project them onto the world, through our reactive unconscious acts, hurting those we love, and who love us … since this time, the second process has been completed (such that it can be or ever is), the fiction that fears are real was revealed and you move past them ..  you are at a new plateau, just, so long as we stay aware and keep owning your weaknesses.

When one is within the darkness, we can only feel the pain, for that part of us has no way of communication through language … it takes time, it take commitment, courage and time  .. I honour all those who go through any recovery process.

It is wonderful to feel your family’s love, but what they cannot do is facilitate or enable you – they will withdraw from you –  to support you how they feel they can … it is as if they take you down to the dock for a long sea voyage … you can still feel their love .. but this is a journey we must take alone.

In hindsight, part of connecting the dots, you learn lots of things about yourself – you understand, accept and value yourself,  you make friends with who you really are, and also with your ego, to understand it better .. you learn that there is almost no pain when we are present, for then the ego has no place to hide – you take what you have learnt and over a period of months you let go of the past and bring only the learning into your life – Staying present develops further into acceptance of what is and the letting go of expectations and any sense of a need for control, then one day and every day after, you are just grateful – you feel balanced and stronger, but most of all you are free. Frankly being truly free is a bit scary, but you try new things, people engage and you are on your way.

If one must label things, most of the time you are mindful – you bring a huge focus to anything that is in your present, because you are present … you are careful of where you walk so you don’t tread on insects, you spend hours down by the beach, or in the woods, noticing every aspect of the web of life, the trees, the grass, the birds, of life abundance – new insights come, you experience your consciousness expanding like a wave, flowing outwards into the world … it is intoxicating and yet so much more .. but it is I feel only a beginning.

In this moment, I find life is a wonder – you don’t judge, you love and understand the behaviour of others, and even if you don’t understand, you feel real compassion for what they are going through (for I feel everyone is doing the best they know how to), insights come, and it feels good to engage and help others .. but the real outcome is that you know who you are, you need no one’s approval for you have your own, you engage more with the community and surprisingly you are detached even from your own future …. you flow with what life brings as it comes into your present and you look to the future – you can still feel those you love, but it is as if you are traveling parallel paths, you wonder !…. but you know whatever happens, what a journey there must be yet to come, for all of us, together or apart  ….. whatever comes, you are up for it

Where I am right now, I doubt I will be directly addressing this introspective aspect of me again, well anytime soon that is … for I guess the time for a definitive on any subject is well and truly gone.

I have a new list of subjects for blog posts coming up including an update on the State of our Paradigm I did last year .. interesting times … thanks for reading and if any are within such an experience as this, know it will be different for you, but flow with it, honestly and with courage, you too will come through.  If you need a sounding board, contact me, I will help if I can.

Tags: Owning+our+weaknesses, Connecting+the+dots, Recovery