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A Significant Life Challenge – what happens to our thinking …

February 18, 2015 Leave a comment

We go through life, one foot in front of the other, focusing on the next goal, the next thing, always the next thing …. then … life happens.

In my case a relationship, love – the use of silence and dogma as a weapon to whose only purpose was to hurt and exclude – this came from a group projection.

I had allowed myself to love the idea of someone and of a belief in the future to help others, the reality was something else indeed  … it was about all the most base of human fears, about control, about an ideology … for when the survival of a ideology becomes more important that the people within it, the ideology will always fail …. in this case my insight was that the ideology was false …. the most monumental challenge of my life was about to begin – I knew had to face it head on.

How we deal with life challenges such as grief or loss will also tend to follow a process – I know the more widely accepted model is the Kubler-Ross model, but I felt this was was more applicable to my own emotional or spiritual challenge

Stage One – SHOCK & DENIAL

We may react to learning of the Challenge with numbed, uncomprehending  disbelief. You may deny, frantically try to rationalize the reality of the loss in order to avoid the pain. The shock is normal, experience it, as it provides the emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks or longer,

Stage Two – PAIN & GUILT

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of profound pain –  this is normal, please try to experience the pain fully, and not hide from it, at this point is is incredibly important not to escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

Life feels chaotic, uncertain and scary at this point ..

Stage 3 – ANGER & BARGAINING

Frustration increases and may give way to anger, be aware that you may project this anger and anxiety onto family, friends or medical professionals –  be aware and try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time to look outwards and find ways to release the bottled up emotion.

You may shout at the rain, Why Me ? You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never …. If… )

Stage 4 – “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS

A relatively long period of reflection may overtake you. This is a normal stage – flow with this, do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning friends or family. Encouragement from others does not penetrate and serves no function but to increase the self doubt. For during this time, you finally comprehend the true magnitude of your loss, and it depression deepens, you may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories – this may be exacerbated by feelings of emptiness, despair and frustration and self doubt.

Stage 5 – THE UPWARD TURN-

As the reality of starting life without, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” the feeling that your head feels like a sponge with no ability to think begins to lift.

Stage 6 – RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself looking for realistic solutions to the life challenge posed by life without your loved one. You start to work on practical ways of reconstructing yourself and your life.

Stage 7 – ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, we learn to accept and deal with the reality of our situation. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily bring instant happiness.

Given the challenged face and the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is me.

I spend a considerable time in nature … with the nurturing energies that help change my life … over time it brought new levels of consciousness and with that a new perspective on the ordinary and the journey itself.

I have also  gone deeply into mindful meditation and movement therapy such as Thai Chi and Chi Gong (Qigong) … it was the initial reason why I give to others by teaching mindful meditation and movement therapies like Qigong and Tai Chi. online and in person http://mindfulunion.wordpress.com

During mindful meditation I arrived at the point where we exist day to day in a continuous meditative state – along with the controlling our thoughts … and being more in a feeling state than a thinking state .. life becomes creative and peaceful, love and understanding pervade your every waking moment.

Changing Priorities

September 2, 2013 Leave a comment

It is easy to look at what is wrong with the world, and only see the negatives of life … but recently I have chosen to change my focus away from the faults of humanity, with the realisation of a faint hope, as there are many people from all walks of life, just quietly going about making the world a little better through simple acts that work to create a positive future as well as many unheralded acts of kindness – they do this without press releases … they just do!

We are all on a journey, even those in the majority who currently appear to be spiritually unconscious … looking at life through their intellect, and their inward looking perspective, denying their feelings and spirit –  for it is my belief that it is a mistake to intellectualize our existence including our spiritual; side, for in doing so we are denying our humanity and a evolutionary imperative which is to achieve spiritual consciousness. Each of us as a member of humanity hopefully evolves from Childhood from our original enlightened states, to be educated normally into unconsciousness and through our life hopefully to an awakening of sorts and eventual consciousness – when we can look at the beauty that is in the world, all life and humanity … but most of all, with this real understanding comes love.

I look at the Universe, and think to myself, I have so much to learn, but I feel the first step is that I have so much to unlearn !

Whilst there are huge problems in the world, coming from those in power, who actions come from being spiritually unconscious, it is so clear that we are being continually manipulated by those in the ever more powerful Corporatocracy which seemingly runs the world … where Government and Bureaucracy seem to be their support, Entertainment and Public Relations Divisions … this is our status quo, and a huge influence on our cultural narrative … the way those in power and influence want to mold us and shape us to fit their view of the world and hence rubber stamp their flawed agenda which affects the future, concerns me .. it is evident in the way that we are presented with information, which we all must realise is never the whole story (or in some cases anything that resembles the true story) … we are manipulated knowingly to manufacture consent for their unconscious actions – currently it is Syria .. perhaps tomorrow Iran .. all for what reason .. one underlying motivation … money, oil and power … if anyone thinks that those in power care for the tens of thousands who are suffering …. please they do not.

There are other major concerns that continue including pollution, flawed water usage practices, including Hydraulic Fracturing (which is consuming and polluting our water reserves) and of course the current star in my opinion Genetically Modified foods (GMO), where companies including Monsanto are playing with humanities gene pool, trying to force us to eat seeds that are actually lower in yield than the wonder that nature has produced for us –  Nature however has a major advantage – her products have had extremely long term testing and are safe for us to consume … on the other hand all Genetically Modified Foods have had inadequate or no testing, certainly no long term generational tests – many times I have wondered if those at these GMO’s actually are true believers and eat these foods, or it really is just about the money, the power and the influence … and and so ladies and gentleman … welcome to the Monsanto and others world Laboratory .. where we are the test subjects, the Lab Rats.

After reading the above, I have a sadness … but this is what I mean … many things are wrong, but can I directly do anything substantive ? No –  I can only affect my environment in consultation with my loved one’s, who may of course have other points of view –  so a compromise may be reached  … but for me, I am finding again that focusing on the negative adds to my stress levels, takes me out of balance and away from the present into the realm of illusion. What I would prefer, is to be conscious … and hence creative, peaceful, giving and loving – so I have decided to try and detach myself from these concerns unless I can actually contribute … for many of these concerns are in areas where I cannot have any direct input – worry and angst serve no positive purpose.

Am I still concerned, about the things that are wrong ? Why Yes of course … and given the opportunity to actually help I probably would, but am I now preoccupied with what is wrong? No! –  I will quietly go about doing what I can to help us to prepare for the future by focusing on what I can create in the present … where everything in ones life has a potential for incredible depth and meaning.

Instead I am going to try and live by a simple prayer if you like … ”May my life be creative and be of benefit to love, life and the future” – if you think about the implications of such a statement, it alone, takes so much responsibility to guide our right thoughts and actions.

It may interest you, that once I made that decision, for the next few hours … a huge amount of stress bled from my body … strange and wonderful.

 

The Story of the two Wolves

July 26, 2012 Leave a comment

One day an old Native American grandfather was talking with his grandson.

He said, “There are two wolves fighting inside  all of us – the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace.”

The Grandson Listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked,

“Which one will win?”

The Grandfather replied,

“The one we feed.”

Gandhi and the 7 Dangers to Human Virtue

October 3, 2011 2 comments

Recently I wrote about Socrates Fundamental Principles – a point of view; see them here – http://bit.ly/qW3zgk

Here I am writing about Gandhi and his

7 Dangers to Human Virtue

  1. Wealth without work
  2. Pleasure without conscience
  3. Knowledge without character
  4. Business without ethics
  5. Science without humanity
  6. Religion without sacrifice
  7. Politics without Principle

We as a culture and a society fail in every single count. We need change in our society.. because we are not living in harmony, we are living, or trying to live alone … I coined the term “Social Intelligence” — a crowd sourced consciousness and intelligence

If we can somehow live the life for others, which of course means that others live their life for us .. what is wrong with that or we could encapsulate it by saying “If we all lived for others – sounds so great, as remember that means that others are living their life for you”

Remember what Martin Luther King Jr. said in 1955 … “Christ gave us the goals and Mahatma Gandhi the tactics.”

Life is like a Cup of Coffee

September 20, 2011 Leave a comment

CoffeeWorld

“Live simply, Speak kindly, Care deeply and Love generously.'” – A worthy mission for our lives

“A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite.

He told his guests to help themselves to the coffee.

After everyone had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, ‘If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

    Be assured that the cup adds no quality to the coffee.

In most cases, it is just more expensive, and in some cases, even hides what we drink. What all of you       really wanted was coffee, not the cup. But you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups to see who had the best one.

Now consider this…

Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

Savor the coffee, not the cups!

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything.

They just make the best of everything.

“Live simply, Speak kindly, Care deeply and Love generously.'” – A worthy mission for our lives

From now on…

June 28, 2010 Leave a comment

 

I posted this from my personal blog… in it the message is clear… go forward (even at a shuffle) and embrace the world and the future with energy, love, honour, truth and fairness, with your God…


Desiderata
 

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
 
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit. 
  
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
 

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 
 

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, (Sept 1872 – Sept 1945). Copyright 1927.

Being a whole person

March 5, 2010 Leave a comment

A little voice inside of me …. came from afar… from a really good friend … who has quantified something that has been growing inside of me for years… in essence “feelings” which allow you to live in the moment… in the now… isn’t that what we all need to do… live for the moment… it is far better than to live in the past, or the future…..  to live in the now is my goal…..  but most of all, I want us to feel the impact on others of our thoughts and actions … when we use our force or manipulation to hurt other souls or to hurt ourselves or Gaia… all of these actions we do for expediency (with the supposed hypothesis of “the end justifies the means” – the end is never justified by corrupt, un-ethical or means without thought or honour) or to shore up the insecurities in ourselves, but surely, as with all misdeeds we inflict on others, by the very nature of Karma, such actions will always come back to bite us, as they should.

Remember there is a bigger picture…. and everything that happens is not always about you.

Really I just want you to think…  do think before you act…. to that end I would like to present you with a talk from Eve Ensler by way of Ted Talks… I hope it at least makes you think…  if the embedded link doesn’t work, then please click here Eve Ensler Program

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