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Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

Choices – the decisions that create our destiny

November 26, 2014 Leave a comment

At times in our lives, circumstances bring us to a junction, we delay, we rationalise but eventually we face an excruciating decision, that in all cases, asks the question, do I stay on the path that I believed would lead me to my destiny, or do I take the road less traveled –  sadly in this case I feel the decision has been made for me.

Life when lived in the present moment, begins in Acceptance, for life is all that we create in the present .. the future; is yet to be made … the past is history, or our personal version of it, it is really a personal memory, it’s only use is to learn from, the memory will all to soon become a fading life lesson or joyful experience of the past – be grateful for all life experiences … then in the present, that overpowering moment will come, you dread it, but the letting go begins, eventually in the future at some point that will transition into “moving on” … at this time a place is created for synchronicity to enter your life again  … for new experiences, and yet still we wonder, especially if it is a fondly held desire or experience …. maybe its not over!

I believe that letting go is always an intention we must have in the present moment, it is not state to be reached on a mountain to be climbed, for after a while, what was once a cherished experience, or an ambition or a person .. we struggle, we seek to try to triumph over the obstacles, we try … but at some point an awareness comes that perhaps the gap between you and your beloved is so vast, you don’t know the way, you can’t fix what is wrong yourself – you need help, but it does not come, you are adrift in a fog at sea without a paddle or compass … the gap between you widens, the relationship begins very slowly to wither, perhaps because of lack of thought, kindness, or even empathy for the others experience, or perhaps for your own … these are the little deaths by degree, we fear, we doubt – especially when we reflect on the wonder of what was – but it withers before our eyes, we should engage to heal, but if that isn’t possible, we fight – we tenaciously hold on by our finger nails, but inevitably we will accept what is clear, it’s over. Eventually we will emulate that well trodden historical meme … “time heals” … we detach, and we have a space in our lives, for something to come at some point … and suddenly we are in a strange place …. we are free, that kind of scary freedom, where we are truly responsible for our lives, hold true to your values in choosing what may come … eventually that once cherished dream, becomes a memory which eventually we will place at the back of the dark bookshelf in the archive of our mind – from this we can draw some comfort from the understanding that without forgetting life would be impossible.

We then begin the hardest task of all, for its time to go on alone, we feel someone is strangely absent, but strengthened that the world didn’t end … we process the loss and in some cases even the expectation of what never came into our present … and we begin at first with the most tentative baby steps, we step by step create the future from what comes into our present at that future time. We forgive the past, we smile lovingly at those that visited for such a short time, then eventually we are free to begin again, we do this so we don’t carry the past with us, and so the past does not affect our future … but still even after all this, in the solitude of the moment we reflect, perhaps whilst we wait in line for coffee, or in solitude at the park, we wistfully muse on what might have been, and wonder !!

Much, much later, we wander through our senses and you discover that life has a different taste … a sense of wonder for what may come … for me, I want the present I have to manifest in its full glory, if not I wonder what is to come, but I know that whatever comes, I will be open to it and flow 🙂

The Art of Discussion and Communication

December 28, 2011 2 comments

Communication between two people indeed conveys much more than the words, it is a total experience or tone, eyes, facial expression (perhaps even complexion) posture and the total perception of the body language … Yes tone and the attention you give to the other party through your focus are not only key indicators of communication, but also the depth of your attention. If you respect the other party try involving your feelings, then you start to create a real relationship … from then on, from my experience anything is possible.

We need to invest in the discussion … and then we will have a commitment to a practical outcome,  as well as the right attitude is something I have spoken of before …. if you believe that a positive outcome will make a difference in people’s lives then you will fight with your every breath to make it so.

When I am in a meeting, I also have some insight to what is going on below the surface … but truly if you are in a discussion with someone, surely the best place to start is to understand the needs of others; what is important to the other party … as essentially this gives you a starting point .. well really an end point to know why they are in this room with you … a lot of these also comes in through the other senses in the form of cues, particularly in their response to you … that is why when I am in a meeting … I like to watch how the parties respond, I sometimes receive much more insights by this observation, than by listening to their words.

But first things first, you need to go into any meeting, any discussion in good faith that you actually want to achieve a positive outcome, not to merely take up time. I was born in Asia, when my Dad was working there. Discussion there is a true art form, it can be overly polite go on forever and decide nothing, sounds a bit like Statesmanship … which to me seems all about taking days to purposefully achieve nothing, but to say gee we have tried to achieve an understanding, when there was no intent to do this in the first place. Again these sorts of flawed strategies are there to give a perception of doing something, when there never was any intent in the first place of reaching an understanding –  you know how it looks and not how it actually is – well back to politics again.

Perhaps if we start with the point when you know what others want, what is mission critical to them, by being truthful and open (now there’s a new idea) and say, OK .. I know that this is what you want, I cannot give you that, but I can go part way there and give you this – then if the other party perceives you are being truthful as you have already built up a relationship a positive outcome, which may only be partly what each sides want will occur, it’s called a compromise … works better than brinkmanship.

Being open and approachable has always worked for me, I suggest you focus, take your ego out of gear (or at least control it), engage your feelings, and relate to the other party and seek to understand why they are talking to you, that way you will understand what it is they really want, not only what it is they say they want.

I sincerely hope you are right about Peace … peace would bring Creativity, Collaboration, Community, Co-operation, Conservation, Co-Existence, Communication & Compassion and perhaps even a meeting of the minds to establish common goals and dreams … lots of powerfully good words start with C … unfortunately a negative one as well … control .. a favourite of Governments and bureaucracies around the world.

We just need to communicate with each other and through co-operation make some decisions about what we want to create in our future … and set about changing things that don’t fit with the new paradigm we envisage.

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