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The Basic Steps To Recovering From A Divorce

October 30, 2007 Leave a comment

I found this for a friend – if it helps you on your journey, a previous blog entry HERE – may also help

When you’ve been the “victim” of a divorce, the first thing you MUST UNDERSTAND and BEGIN BELIEVING is that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF IT- Regardless of how badly you feel, you must realize that it has happened to millions of people before you; it is happening to countless people every day; and it will continue to happen to millions of people so long as there is love, marriage and divorce.

Although you may never have felt such pain in your life before, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. It takes time, but you will recover and find love again. It’s imperative that you understand this, and believe it, even if you have to write it in big letters on your bedroom mirror, type it out on a 3 x 5 card you carry with you in your wallet, or say it aloud to yourself every hour on the hour.

You must at the same time, understand that people suffering from divorce go through certain predictable phases of thinking and acting as they begin to recover. In order to cope with the insecurity, uncertainty, and emotional damage you’ve suffered, you should understand that it’s only natural that you go through each of these phases, and that as a result, you will again be a happy person.

Perhaps the second hardest thing the person who has been “victimized” in a divorce has to do is let go. It’s vitally important that you immediately let go of the other person; realize that the marriage is over, and begin setting your own life in order.

Of course all of this is much easier said or written than done, but these things you must do, and you must do them – or get started on them – immediately. You’ve got to think about yourself – finding some sort of work with which to support yourself, and maybe your kids; writing out a plan for the management of your money; figuring out your transportation needs; and what you’re going to do to fill your spare time.

You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away! You’ve got to take hold of yourself and go on living! You can do it, and you must! The best way is to busy yourself with all the planning you’ve got to do, and all the things you’ve got to do to make those plans pan out. Sit down with paper and pencil immediately, look at your situation as it really exists, and lay out a “road map” of things that you’re going to have to do in order to survive.

In the meantime, the pain will still be there but you’ve got to keep forcing yourself not to think about it or dwell upon what was yesterday. The more you think about the past – what went wrong and why it happened to you – the worse it’s going to hurt, and the longer it’ll take for you to recover.

What has happened to you can be likened to a cut on your hand: It hurts, and you bleed, but you wash it off, perhaps apply some medication, then a bandage and allow time as well as the healing processes of the human system to make it all well again. So it is with the dissolution of a marriage, but the bottom line is still: You must cure yourself of the hurt before you can be happy again.

You’re going to feel lonely, lost and deserted. You’re going to grieve. You are going to mourn the loss of your loved one. You’re going to deny that it’s over, and think of it as a bad dream. You may fall into a state of deep depression and pretend that it’s only a game that will soon end.

In order to counter these feelings, you must try to keep yourself busy – cleaning the house, washing your car, writing out a budget, studying and/or working – you must force yourself to “keep moving and working” on the kinds of things that make you self-sufficient as well as a person that can hold his or her head up in any crowd or situation.

You’re going to become so angry that you’ll want to do things “just to spite” your lost loved one. Women in particular, have a difficult time coping with the anger phase. They become bitter because of the rejection they feel, the abandonment, and what they consider the lack of honesty on the part of their former husbands. It manifests itself as a result of final property settlements and child support agreements. They sometimes withhold visitation rights with the children in order to punish or get their point across.

You must understand that anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. Anger is a natural feeling in a stressful situation. Regardless of how it’s done, you must express the feelings of anger you’re carrying or they’ll “eat you alive!” The important thing is to understand that it’s a natural feeling as a result of a divorce, and that you have to let these feelings out – get rid of them – before you can truly go on to become a happy person. The best way to deal with anger is to know precisely what you’re angry about – write it down on paper – and then pick the most appropriate method as well as time, to express your anger to the person that has made you angry.

Another phase you’ll be going through is one of all-consuming guilt feelings. If I hadn’t of, or if I had done this or that differently, or if only I had been a little more understanding. The more you dwell upon this kind of thinking, the deeper you’ll fall into the trap of self-martyrdom which allows you to think of yourself as a loser, a failure, and not deserving of happiness.

You must drive those feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they appear! Simply tell yourself that it didn’t work out; it’s over, and you’ve got to things to do in order to survive. Understand and believe that you will recover; then plan what you’re going to do, and start moving in that direction.

Still another phase you’ll experience, is one of reconciliation. This is when the victim calls the lost loved one on the phone or writes letters, expressing undying love – acceptance of all the blame for the divorce – and promising to change to fit the needs and demands of the other person. This is when the victim disregards all his or her own needs and reaches out for the other person without pride.

Remember this: If your lost loved one does not want you, then you must cease to worry about him or her. You must take hold of yourself – your own ambitions for happiness and the kind of love you want – and first plan how you can attain these things, and then set about towards the eventual achievement of these goals.

You must forget about your ex-husband or ex-wife just as quickly as you possibly can! You must immediately see yourself as someone who’s self-supporting and the only person on the face of this earth with the final say about how happy you can be. Difficult, yes – but the sooner you realize this and take charge of your own life, the sooner “what once was” will be forgotten and You’ll find happiness again.

No one should throw themselves at the mercy of someone who doesn’t want them. Each and every human being in this world is ruled by personal pride in himself. To “give up” one’s pride is to give up one’s life. Compromises and promises to make changes – followed by sincere efforts to do so are necessary to the ability of “couples” to get along with each other. But to disregard one’s personal pride, is to become a non-entity.

The final phase you’ll be going through will be one of acceptance. This is when you are no longer bothered by thoughts of your lost loved one all day long; when you’re able to talk about him or her without a tug at your heart, and when you’ve accepted the fact that your marriage is really over: This is when you say to yourself that if he or she doesn’t want me, than I don’t want him or her. This is when you’ve got a handle on what you have to do in order to rebuild your life and get on with it, and you’re doing just that!

As human beings, all of us have a brain. Because each of us has a brain, we all have feelings that manifest themselves emotionally in one form or another. No one is perfect, and thus, though we usually try with everything we’ve got to handle our problems with expertise, we usually fall down at least once or twice along the way. It’s important to understand one’s self as a human being, and to try to get a handle on our ambitions for true happiness – but if we should fall down along the way, we have to pick ourselves up and try again. This is likened to a baby learning to walk – he may take a small step or two, and then fall down, but unless he picks himself up and tries again, he’ll never learn to walk.

Don’t be afraid of being alone! Think about your own ambitions, and the kind of happiness you’d like to enjoy. Remember that loneliness, boredom and unhappiness are indeed, self-induced – determine that you want to be happy and then reach for it with all you’ve got!!!


I downloaded this from a web site – on the site it stated that there is no copyright on the information in these reports. Permission is granted to reprint, distribute by any means or even resell these reports

Disclaimer & Product Information: from the source web site

The text and documents contained in these reports were compiled from a number of different sources, representing many different viewpoints. For that reason, no claims of content accuracy or other legal issues is made. Also, some of these reports were written several years ago, so the information contained in them may be slightly out of date.

No warranty is expressed or implied. These reports are sold and distributed “as is”. The reader is advised to seek legal counsel before starting any business or implementing any ideas contained in these documents should the reader need such advice.

Most of the information in these reports applies to people living in the United States. Some of the information MAY be applicable to other countries as well.

 

LIFE

October 19, 2007 Leave a comment

You dream, you visualise and you create the future you think you want – the next day your dream has become your new reality – (is it what you thought you wanted) – and as you look back to those times – you know in your heart that they were the best of times  – I didn’t know – I was too much in a hurry to grow up…. why didn’t someone tell me – I have made mistakes – we all have and do, we are human after all – relationships and hearts were broken – one day you are dreaming the next, your dream has become your reality – it was the best of times – my youth, our youth – if only I had realised. Now I have – is it later – lessons have been learnt – what we should and shouldn’t do – to grow and search for our passion during our journey.

Remember everything you are and everything you will become is already within you,

I don’t believe it is ever to late to start your life – start now and enjoy your life – start now for the rest of your life..

 

United States Presidential elections

October 18, 2007 Leave a comment

Anyone for the idea of President Al Gore with the VP Barack Obama – what a team.

I wonder if Al Gore will nominate?

Mind you, Al Gore has an Academy Award, now a Nobel Peace Prize – would he now want to slide down the hill back into the quagmire, the no morals / no honour / no integrity / no truth, spin, expedient world of politics – but I suppose when you look at it there is nothing else for him to shoot for – except perhaps for enlightenment.

If he was successful – just think of it a man with morals and integrity as the next President of the USA ?  Too good to be true ?  I sincerely hope not.

This is worth reading..from Elisabeth Haich

October 17, 2007 Leave a comment

Hi, I came across this today in my research – I think it is very worthwhile for everyone to take on board…if they are open to it – sometime in their journey.

“IN THE LAST GREAT EPOCH in human history, people in the West forgot completely that it isn’t enough to knew the secrets of physics, mathematics, and chemistry, and that on the contrary the very first object of man’s study, research and understanding should be man himself, the discoverer of all these secrets. While his attention was directed to things outside himself, he neglected to look inside and ask the question, Who am I? This omission had serious consequences: while technological developments became ever more perfect, ran himself became more and more imperfect. At the very time that engineering and technology were enhancing man’s personal comfort, his soul was sinking deeper and deeper into dissatisfaction and misery. A person who has lost himself is plagued by burning unrest, and the result of inner dissatisfaction, tragedy within the man, is always war, destruction, cosmic catastrophe. Humanity plunges into misery for the same reason that people seek happiness outside themselves, instead of in the one and only place where it can be found, within! But the sufferings that often seem to grow and compound themselves finally force us to turn our attention away from things and toward the person who is suffering — our self ! Sooner or later we must learn that the true reason for our sufferings our abysmal lack of self-understanding and self-control. Man simply does not know his own soul and the principles and forces at work deep within it. He does not know the source of his thoughts or the tree of his wishes, and chained dawn by this ignorance of his own being, cannot control either himself or his destiny. In the same blind way in which he follows his animal instincts and urges, fate buffets him to and fro like a rudderless ship in a storm. On the other hand, when one has learned recognize the various levels at which life goes on within his self, and learn to control himself, he is also able to control his fate. The power which guides our fate did not create man for misery but for happiness. Only blindness pushes him into suffering.”

—ELISABETH HAICH
From Self Healing, Yoga & Destiny

You can see the full item at the following link..

 

Money by itself is NOT the answer…

September 21, 2007 Leave a comment

We are all so desperate to believe in something, is this because we no longer believe in ourselves – that we keep falling into each other – but do not connect spiritually.

We as a culture do not believe in any thing outside of ourselves – except for the symbols of our society, we aspire to secular goals, more money, more, more more…  Someone asked John D. Rockefeller, the billionaire oilman once – how much is enough money? – his response was as follows:- just a little more!  So how much money is enough for me, for you?

You will never be satisfied, If you make money the object of your full attention, Money should never be the end in itself….it should be the by-product of your dream, your bliss – if we look at the agony and the ecstasy  what money has caused in the world, we have and still are fighting wars for it – via the proxy of oil in IRAQ – in the current case.

My view of money is that I choose to be a manager of resources, as it is known that we never actually own money (well the real things it buys), just as we don’t own real estate – we hold it in trust – PLEASE, PLEASE do not allow your life to be driven for that “just one more dollar.”

I have clothes, food, shelter, and transportation which puts me in the top 1% of the world’s population. I guess that means that I should be grateful for what I have – I get up every morning – and yes I am really grateful – and Yes! I still have my goals – but money for its own sake isn’t one of them – well not directly anyway – I want my future business happiness and as a by-product my income to come as a direct result of my bliss, my dream. 

These goals and dreams include the job of my dream, working in the industry I love and being in a equal loving relationship – I will achieve these goals.

 

Categories: Economics, Personal, World Tags: ,

The Trip to the USA

July 29, 2007 Leave a comment

I returned a little while ago from the USA where I was basically for much of June, and some of July – I spent a little time in Los Angeles and San Francisco – but much of my time was spend in Colorado, and in particular the Rocky Mountains themselves.

Arriving in Denver which is in itself a mile high – the air port was quite a surprise – a state of the art – internal trains (the home hub for Frontier airlines) that was great – the biggest problem was that I was very tired after my time in Los Angeles – and was in no state to try work the trains – all too hard. Well after a few efforts I arrived at the right end of the airport – for baggage claim etc. Of course the heightened state of United States security did not help matters. I know that police with dogs, police on bicycles and police in teams – all carrying sub-machine guns, plus +++ as well as body Armour and flak vest – is this supposed to make me feel more secure but funnily it doesn’t – it makes me feel decidingly insecure – unfortunately with the world wide paranoia – its very much a shoot first – whoops afterwards kind of scenario.

After – baggage claim –  I was met by my friends – and off we went – to experience Colorado.

One thing of course I might mention is that for almost 2 months before I left – I took I took a herbal tonic to increase the oxygen carrying capacity of my blood and hence my ability to actually breathe at these altitudes – here speaks someone who normally lives at sea level. It worked after a few days becoming acclimatised .  One thing you don’t think (well I didn’t) about is dehydration – drink lots of water – well I did as well as large quantities of sports drinks like Gatorade – couldn’t have done without it

The picture on the left – is of Coors field in Denver – the game was the Yankees vs the Rockies – the local team – great feeling at the ground. The Rockies won all the games against the Yankees – mind you see the stadium is over a mile in height, this may have had something to do with it.

I spent time with wonderful people, such a wonderful experience – exploring through the Rocky Mountains, at least the Colorado side – saw Moose, Elk, Deer – didn’t see any beaver although I saw their dams – so large – such an industrious little creature.

My sincere personal thanks to those wonderful people of Colorado who treated me like a long lost son – their generosity was wonderful and endearing – all my love goes to these very special people at Rawhide, their friends and families.

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Categories: Life, Personal, USA Tags: ,

I AM RESPONSIBLE

July 9, 2007 Leave a comment
  • I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR :
  • For my choices and actions
  • For the way I prioritize time
  • For the level of consciousness I bring to my work
  • For the care or lack of care with which I treat my body
  • Being in relationships I choose to enter or to remain in
  • For the way treat other people – my spouse / partner, my children, my parents, my friends, my siblings, my associates, my boss, my subordinates, the sales clerk in the department store – a stranger
  • For the meaning I give or fail to give to my existence
  • For my happiness
  • For my life – materially, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually I AM – GRATEFUL I AM Grateful for the following (a extract) from Charles Haanel (author) in his Book the MagnaSync System

I AM

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Categories: Personal, Self / Love Tags: ,
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