The Art of Discussion and Communication

Communication between two people indeed conveys much more than the words, it is a total experience or tone, eyes, facial expression (perhaps even complexion) posture and the total perception of the body language … Yes tone and the attention you give to the other party through your focus are not only key indicators of communication, but also the depth of your attention. If you respect the other party try involving your feelings, then you start to create a real relationship … from then on, from my experience anything is possible.

We need to invest in the discussion … and then we will have a commitment to a practical outcome,  as well as the right attitude is something I have spoken of before …. if you believe that a positive outcome will make a difference in people’s lives then you will fight with your every breath to make it so.

When I am in a meeting, I also have some insight to what is going on below the surface … but truly if you are in a discussion with someone, surely the best place to start is to understand the needs of others; what is important to the other party … as essentially this gives you a starting point .. well really an end point to know why they are in this room with you … a lot of these also comes in through the other senses in the form of cues, particularly in their response to you … that is why when I am in a meeting … I like to watch how the parties respond, I sometimes receive much more insights by this observation, than by listening to their words.

But first things first, you need to go into any meeting, any discussion in good faith that you actually want to achieve a positive outcome, not to merely take up time. I was born in Asia, when my Dad was working there. Discussion there is a true art form, it can be overly polite go on forever and decide nothing, sounds a bit like Statesmanship … which to me seems all about taking days to purposefully achieve nothing, but to say gee we have tried to achieve an understanding, when there was no intent to do this in the first place. Again these sorts of flawed strategies are there to give a perception of doing something, when there never was any intent in the first place of reaching an understanding –  you know how it looks and not how it actually is – well back to politics again.

Perhaps if we start with the point when you know what others want, what is mission critical to them, by being truthful and open (now there’s a new idea) and say, OK .. I know that this is what you want, I cannot give you that, but I can go part way there and give you this – then if the other party perceives you are being truthful as you have already built up a relationship a positive outcome, which may only be partly what each sides want will occur, it’s called a compromise … works better than brinkmanship.

Being open and approachable has always worked for me, I suggest you focus, take your ego out of gear (or at least control it), engage your feelings, and relate to the other party and seek to understand why they are talking to you, that way you will understand what it is they really want, not only what it is they say they want.

I sincerely hope you are right about Peace … peace would bring Creativity, Collaboration, Community, Co-operation, Conservation, Co-Existence, Communication & Compassion and perhaps even a meeting of the minds to establish common goals and dreams … lots of powerfully good words start with C … unfortunately a negative one as well … control .. a favourite of Governments and bureaucracies around the world.

We just need to communicate with each other and through co-operation make some decisions about what we want to create in our future … and set about changing things that don’t fit with the new paradigm we envisage.